


Through the Notes and Words

by Zet_12096



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Band Fic, Bromance, Gen, Inspired by K-Drama | Korean Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21933301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zet_12096/pseuds/Zet_12096
Summary: Yamashita Toru spends his daily life with the body that can change into another body right after he falls asleep. From all this time, he doesn't mind with no one that can recognize him anymore until a new singer from his regular bar completely changes the way of his thinking.This story is inspired by a Korean Movie called Beauty Inside.
Relationships: Morita Takahiro/Yamashita Toru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I have published this story under the same title but different language (Bahasa Indonesia) in wattpad.
> 
> Please enjoy!

I opened my eyes.

In a second, I thought someone had placed thick, greyish blindfold into my eyes because, despite the fact I was already wide awake, nothing could be seen besides thick clouds.

I slowly and gawkily roamed my hands on the nightstand on the left side of my bed. There should be some glasses placed in a segmented box which I intentionally storage on the nightstand, just in case I wake up having bad eyesight like here and now. These eyes were so bad thus I couldn’t even distinguish which is the lamp and which is the roof.

“Glasses…” I murmured—and ended up being shocked hearing my own voice. I thought my voice will be a heavy, elder-like voice one since these eyes were so bad. But it was not. This voice—my voice was high-pitched and light, female’s voice.

I sighed and kept moving my hands tracing every segment toward the furthest one. “Gotcha,” I hurriedly wore the thickest glasses and soon, I could distinguish the lamp—although still a bit blurry. Then, I grabbed a mirror beside the segmented box and looked in my reflection.

 _Today_ , I was a girl, quite young, but impossible to be younger than thirties. She had a thick accent of plainness with boring eyes. Her hair was boring as well: black, shoulder-length, with no style even a bit. Her skin was pale, included in an unhealthy group that lacks vitamin D. It seemed like she was a bookworm, yet a freak one, not the clever.

I sighed again. Today will be a full day in-home.

I stepped my feet on the floor, coming down from the most comfortable place in the world, and walked toward a door near to the main door of my bedroom. The place behind the door was another room, not a toilet, but a walk-in closet which size is twofold from my bedroom. In that room, in the walk-in closet, I spent most of my morning-time there, picking clothes.

The door was now fully opened. Soon, there lied approximately hundreds of clothes hanged in a with-no-door cabinet. Underneath the hung clothes, boxes of shoes were placed while in the center of the closet, a set of making-your-own-glasses was placed on a table there, along with the machine that can read how thick the lenses I should wear—with many type and size of frames. Actually, all of that, clothes, shoes, socks, underwear, frames, cloaks, wristwatches, were served in every size and for both genders.

I am indeed quite wealthy, but it wasn’t like I'm a collector or a fashion-head person. I just an ordinary person, I meant it, a very much ordinary person you could find in the street. I just had a little bit different from all of people lived in this world and passed the street. That is: my body kept on changing—from man to woman, even transgender, from excited kid to fragile elder, from white skin to tan, from people with normal eyesight to blind, from normal ear to deaf—every time I fall asleep. I kept on changing thus I forgot my own body, face, and everything about my original body.

My original identity which I could remember precisely was only my name, Yamashita Toru.

* * *

“That’s not good, Toru.” Kohama Ryota—the one and only person in this wide world that _accidentally_ knows my condition—sighed. Yes, accidentally.

Seven years was the age of our relationship. That time, seven years ago, the agency where I work for was facing bankruptcy. I worked as a music producer for their singers, a job where my appearance wasn’t needed and important. I lived by the money I earn from that—my only job—so when that agency was about to bankrupt, I also was about to be jobless. Finding a job these days was already hard for normal people, let alone with the condition of mine.

Got stressed by that, I went to a bar, got wasted from drinking heavily, and foolishly fell asleep right there in the bar, which was owned by Kohama Ryota. I woke up in the morning with heavy hangover. My head hurts and I couldn't walk straight. That time, I was terribly suffered so I thought no one ever experiences more than that besides me. Apparently not, I was completely wrong. The Ryota who was surprised because the person who slept in his bar last night turning into another person in the morning must be much more suffered from confusion. I bet he couldn't even believe his mind that time and thinking about to be crazy. I was seeing no other way of being not suspicious. Therefore, I spilled everything to him. From losing my job to my condition.

Lucky me, Ryota in fact was working in another music agency and he offered a producer position since their old one had just retired. From that time until now, I worked there with him, under a fake name made by Ryota, Tottoro.

I stopped the music played by the speaker, though it was only just its first minute. I did not like that song either. “I know,” said I with this boring lady’s voice. “I run out of ideas these days,” I added with lies. Yes, it wasn't my drained ideas that caused my regression. It was because I didn’t like the singer’s voice that would be singing my songs. His voice was good though, yet still wasn't my cup of tea. He lacks something I myself did not know what it was. To be honest and rude, no singers suits my taste, not even a single singer in the agency. I lost my joy making song since a long time ago. However, at the same time, I did need money to live on. So, here I am.

“The deadline is within two weeks, Toru…” Ryota desperately sighed. Of course,he was the one who feels the most desperate one, he was in charge making sure my song arrives the agency right in time and safely.

“I know it okay?” I said, too, desperately. Hearing my today's voice, I frowned. We sounded like old married couple fighting over children’s intuition. Damned this body.

Ryota stared at me from the uppermost to my feet.

Since my today’s body was a female, it was uneasy being analyzed like that, by a male. “What?” I asked harshly.

“You're too gloomy today, Toru,” said he, “just take some rest today.”

“Are you sure it isn't because of this gloomy body?”

“Well,” he shrugged, “that can be, but just take a day off today, I'm giving you a holiday and I hope you can restart your about to explode brain and therefore we already have the melodies by tomorrow.”

I said nothing, maybe that was the one I needed the most today after all.

* * *

In the present, music coming in my ears wasn’t the one made by me, instead a louder one, an adrenaline-triggering one, but seductive. In front of me, a glass of cocktail was there tantalizing me to drink it down, along with two already emptied glasses. But not of those glasses I paid my attention at, yet the male barista that kept glaring at me with excoriation. I did as I had done since this morning again—cursing at this boring body and face. Gosh.

“Hey, you! Do your work properly!” abruptly, the owner of the bar yelled at the barista. It wasn’t Ryota, his bar had been closed since his wife gets pregnant, and now they were blessed with a cute and lovely daughter. Since then, I changed my regular bar to this one, owned by a curly haired man that its color almost different each day. “What can I do for you, Sanada-san?” asked him to an officer-like old man.

“Ah, Tomoya, give me the usual one,” answered that Sanada-san. That owner, Tomoya, seemed to know his customers and their usual drinks—seeing how he confidentially starts mixing ingredients. I bet he won’t recognize me no matter how often I come to his bar, nor my usual orders though it will be always cocktail.

I screeched at that man—for being jealous. I wanted to do that as well, saying _as usual_ and waiting patiently. Sometimes it was tiring for saying the menu every time I come here, _exactly the same menu._

So… why didn’t I change it since ordering the same one is tiring?

“Hey, give me vodka,” I ordered, the barista nodded half-heartedly. Ryota said today was my holiday, I could drink as much and heavy as I want, right? There wouldn’t be a matter of getting problems in a while, forgetting how the night became darker and how the moon started walking its track further and further and being unaware of the number of singers that had sung on the stage.

Before I came with all my senses how many glasses of vodka I had washed off, my body already slumped on the counter, with reddish tone spread all over my face due to alcohol influence.

_SLAP!_

Pain stung my right cheek hard. The heat was spread from the center to the peripheral area in which I just slapped my cheek. I couldn’t sleep here unless I wanted someone besides Ryota to know my condition and the arrival of researchers from around the world in Japan only to open me up would be just a matter of time. Oh, I didn’t even want to think about that possibility.

I shook my head as hard as possible, as long as it was enough to make me a bit sober until I could halt a taxi and reach my sweet home.

I observed the stage. It was not too far, five meters length from which I was sitting. I could tell there was someone who was climbing the stage through the stairs in the left side. That person was young, with his short-cut hair sticking at every direction against gravity. He was bringing his broken-white guitar on his back. I could also describe his face clearly. His skin was pale but healthy, his eyes are round and pitch-black colored, and sharp nose with reddish tip.

Ah, I got sober enough—it was proven since I could see the boy’s two moles under his right eye and a mole near his left ear. Well, let’s go home. No more drink.

“Hey!” I called the barista while placing some money on the counter, “keep the change, asshole.” As receiving another contemptuous gaze from the barista—though he always seduces me whenever I get the good ones. After that, I tipsily got up and fished my cloak right when the singer started greeting the audiences.

“Uh… hello everyone, I’m Taka, I’m new here, so… please enjoy.”

I turned around and saw him setting his white guitar on his laps, ready to sing a song. I decided to pay no heed for that boy and wore my cloak; it was a bit difficult to button up under alcohol influence. After the buttons were all tightly wrapping my body, I wobbly walked towards the entrance with chairs lined on the counter as supporters.

But, as time passed, my eyes became heavier and heavier. With difficulties, I tried to keep sober.

Just three chairs left, and I would be outside.

“This song is very special, I made this for my friend who got married last month.” That boy hadn’t sung yet apparently, he explained the story behind the song while plucking his guitar slowly, making the story more dramatic.

Well, I don’t care. Just two chairs left. Just two fucking chairs I had to pass and a taxi will be there bringing me home.

Just another one—

_“I’m telling you, uh…”_

And that was the time around me passed much slower—almost completely stopped—as my steps went frozen abruptly. Intentions to pass the last chair and halt a taxi were all evaporated into some gas and gone. I stood there, with the second last chair as my supporter to stand, with ears opened widely listening to that boy singing. His voice somehow sent shivers down to my spine, giving some electric current into all of my nerves. As if I were a doll that’s forgotten to lubricate, I gawkily turned around facing the stage where the black-haired boy kept singing with all his might.

_“Wherever you are, I always make you smile…”_

I was astonished.

That boy, whose nose doesn’t even reach the microphone in mic-stand, had a rare voice, extremely rare. It was high and clear as if it were owned by a girl, but also husky and sharp, which obviously stated that the owner is a man with no more doubt. How old is he? Eighteen? No, this bar is 21-or-older only. So, 21 then?

Still astonished by his rare voice, I listened to it while standing, without being able to move a muscle. Something inside me screamed that I want him, screamed the sudden urge to make his voice mine, to make his voice sings my songs.

“Thank you,” said he as the closing of his performance. He bowed and walked towards the stairs.

I blinked my dull eyes behind my oh-very-thick glasses. Was that all? Was that over? Since when?

I shook my head hard. I could think that later. The most important one in the present was him that started to go away, disappear from the audience, from the bar, from me. No, no, no, I couldn’t let him go that easily, I should make him sing my songs, or even only a song. With adrenaline streamed through all blood vessels inside my body, with my heart beats its cage like crazy as if it were to go outside, I walked forward, about to reach him—

—and tripped my other leg. Alcohol sometimes is an enemy.

In such a way that the suffers I get wasn’t enough, my very-thick glasses fell off, gone from my eyesight. Hastily, I ran my hands over the cold floor like a spider. But no matter how far I lengthened my arms, I couldn’t find that glasses. I glanced at the stage anxiously. It was too blur, I couldn’t see that boy though his guitar was quite flashy. I cursed at my body. If and only if it was not because of this body, maybe I could already offer him with dozens of appealing deals that would surely make him be my singer and live happily ever after.

Desperately, with very much little hope, I still seek for that shitty glasses that ruin my one and only chance to meet that boy. I kept and kept on seeking until a hand came into my eyesight with my glasses on it.

“Are you looking for it?” the owner of that hand spoke, and I was frozen.

I knew that voice.

It was the same voice with the voice that had closed his performance.

Slowly, with the time seemingly had been slowing down, I looked up, and saw that boy was right in front of me—so close that I could see him clearly—offering my _precious-_ glasses.

Who was his name again?

Having me being silent, he waved his hand before my face, tried to attract my attention, and that was greatly successful.

Right, Taka. That's it.

“Ah…” I muttered, “thanks.”

With shaking hands, I grabbed my glasses from his palm and wore it. Just right when my vision became clearer, Taka was warmly smiling at me. “Be more careful, _one-san_ ,” said he, with a smile still perched on his lips.

“Ah, sure, sure…” I nodded, followed by Taka—who bowed politely. He should think that I’m much older, well, he wasn’t at fault though, or maybe perfectly right. After that, he turned around, making his way home perhaps.

Did I want to let him go?

No. I didn’t want that. Hurriedly, I fetched his sleeve, halting him to go any further.

Seconds passed and I found myself cursing to not think before doing something. It wasn’t like I have prepared sweet words to persuade him. Stupid me.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked softly.

I could feel the cold sweat on my forehead, trailing down my skin. I was nervous. And because of that, I couldn’t think straight. “Uh… that was a good song,” finally I said, randomly picking words from my head, “will you play again? In this bar?”

Taka took seconds for being silent, then smiled again, “Well, actually yes. I just got offered to play every night, would you like to come?”

Excitedly, I nodded.

“Yes! I promise!”

* * *

“That was what I’ve said, yet what I should do now…” I cried with frustration with my face was buried on a pillow.

Today, my body was a man, a big, and muscular one with a bald head. My skin was tan and had yakuza-like face with a scar crosses from the right eyebrow to the near of the mouth. This face was scary. If this face met the yesterday’s face, maybe they will have a robber-victim relationship. Gosh… Taka would surely be frightened by the time he sees me! Gone were my chances and I would be acknowledged as a liar by him. Such a good way to live, _sigh_!

“Just try sleeping and see whether you will have a better face,” said Ryota giving an advice. He indeed came again to check my progression. Poor him that he had the dilemma yakuza-like man rather than well progress. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to prioritize _your_ own singer in the agency more than this bar singer, what’s his name again? Take?”

“It’s Taka you stupid,” I groaned, the sound was terrifying, loud and harsh. “But I’ll make sure he has my words, I’m still going.”

Ryota looked at me with disbelief, “It’s not even your day off, you know.”

“I will just sit, drink a glass or two, and listen to his singing, to fulfill my promise.”

* * *

By the time I arrived, the bar was as usual, crowded, filled with sweaty aroma, and loud music was played making everyone dancing like there was no tomorrow. From my favorite seat on the counter, I glanced over and over again at the stage. It was already the twelfth minutes I have been here, yet Taka’s presence hadn’t been detected, four singers had shown, and none of them was Taka. Was his shift at midnight? Or was it me who comes too late?

“Hey, you!” I shouted, calling the barista, the same person as yesterday. I could see him flinched. Geez, such a coward.

Without any disgraceful eyes, he shifted towards me fearfully. “Ye-yes, sir, what can I do to help you?” said he almost like a tiny mouse cornered by an enormous cat.

“Did a singer named Taka has sung?”

“As-as far as I remember, not yet, sir,” said he.

“Good, you may go back, thanks,” I nodded, and he almost flew back happily to the opposite side of the counter, making distance as far as possible from me.

I ordered another glass of the usual cocktail. Today, tonight, I had to meet him. I would say that in place of my ‘little sister’, I came here, offering him to be my singer. Yeah, I would say that.

Time passed, singers that sing on the stage kept on changing from one to another so I had lost my count before I realize, was it twelve? I don't fucking know, I'm tired and he kept making me wait!

I glanced over my wristwatch, it was already two in the morning. Did he plan to play minutes before the bar’s closed?

I sighed. Somehow, the strong will to make Taka sings at least a song of mine overwhelmed my own self. It felt like I've deeply fallen in love with his voice, trapped with that alluring voice. That voice was like tobacco, once you try listening to it, you'll fall into a mighty one making sure you'll be there forever without any way to get out.

Again, I ordered another more, two glasses this time. I made a bet. If Taka still didn't show up after I dug in these two cocktails, I'll go home forgetting all about him, about his voice and doing my usual boring days with unsatisfying singers and songs. Yeah, well done, me. Then, shall we start?

I grabbed the first glass and slowly gulped that liquid, very slowly—

“Hi, I'm Taka.”

—and threw up simultaneously, making that barista jumped a feet in surprise.

I hurriedly spun my head over the stage—ignoring the mess I just made—and found that black haired boy had already seated with his white guitar on his laps. I wasn’t drunk, right? He was there, Taka was there, with his oversized black sweater adjusting the mic-stand’s height, shining under the shimmering light.

“Good night everyone,” he greeted us, the audiences with a warm smile while his petite fingers started plucking the guitar and his mouth started to open, _“You’re the light on the shadow when you sleep…”_

His today’s singing was as good as yesterday's, the same voice that gives shivers down to my spines though with a different song. As my belief says, the one that makes someone's voice being amazing is not the song, but the voice is the one that makes some song great. This boy was really something. I could imagine how good my song would be under his voice. Ah… such a good, good dream.

“ _Oh yeah… little time not a moment wasted with you, uh…_ ” I hold my breath. I wanted him badly now, even more. He really was the little piece of a puzzle I've been desperately seeking for a long time. Thanks to his performance, now I could no longer retain my patience to have him. I need to chase him, I need to make him mine.

Impatiently, I stood up harshly making the chair fell with a small thud, made my way to the backstage while keeping an eye on him—in case he would disappear into the thin air. But then, that amazing voice came out again, halting me from the third step I was about to make and silently listen to him instead.

“I sang that song especially to…” From where I was standing, it looked like he hesitated, but he still kept going, “um… to a person who has promised to watch me tonight, but seems like she can't make it… well, it's just… if you were really here, the yesterday's _onee-san_ , please let me know. And… thank you all for listening to my performance, good night everyone.”

After that sorrowful closing, Taka stepped out of the stage, leaving me dumbfounded by his words. The thousands of steps I had planned a while ago was disappeared replaced into fat, perfect zero. He said he waits for me, he waits for the _boring, thick-glasses yesterday's onee-san._

He was the first person who waits for me without knowing my real condition.

With that, this muscular, broad shoulder slumped. It was not like that boring lady doesn't want to meet him, it wasn't like that at all. That yesterday's lady actually did come, did watch him, and told him in his face that she did fulfill her promise. Yet, my legs didn't move a muscle. I still stood glancing over the now-empty stage. Taka was still near the stairs, smiled brightly, warmly, and my heart clutched in an uneasy way.

The air around me became heavier. My fist clenched in a hurt way. I hadn't come up with any decision yet, but Taka would be gone at any time. I was tired, tired of making songs for someone I don't even like his voice, of making song without listening to it after being published even once.

I want to enjoy my song-making time… with him.

“Um… ca-can I help you?”

Before I knew it, Taka was already in front of my face, nervously starred at me. I don't know when I started making steps, walking toward the backstage, didn't know whether I bumped into someone or spoiled someone’s drink, and didn't even know why Taka who should have gone from the backstage was still here, well I didn't even know whether it was me or him that walked approaching each other. I would think that later though. Now, the most important thing was to come up with some words, the sweetest ones to persuade Taka.

“Hello?” he asked again. His white guitar was already piggyback by Taka whose body looked like almost being engulfed with that gigantic guitar entirely.

Now, what should I say?

“If you have nothing to do with me, then… excuse me.” He walked past me, giving me a sudden panic attack.

Abruptly, I turned around, and with my surprise, I dared to grab his wrist and force him to pay attention to me, the me that still haven't found any words to say yet. “Ah…” anything, I should say something at least. “I like you! Come with me!”

I frowned at my own words. It sounded a bit different from what it is supposed to be. But nothing I could do whereas nervous storm was spinning my head greatly. My eyes couldn't focus on him or at anything. I wondered what he saw. An enormous, scary guy that confessed his love? He must be scared.

I tried calming my own mind and focus on him. It wasn't even two seconds after I could focus on him again, a white, huge, and rigid thing was flying above my head. All I could hear was a loud thud voice but not sure where it came from. Not too long after that terrifying sound, Taka in front of me became blurry again and slowly, he was replaced with complete pitch-black.

* * *

To be Continued


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy!

By the time I opened my eyes, shimmering light assaults my eyes stinging my optic nerve and forcing me to shut my eyes back. For a blink, I thought alcohol still took over my mind making me imagining it was someone else’s roof and bedroom. Yet, when my eyes had adapted with the light’s intensity, that alien roof was still there. In addition, the memory of me only having cocktails flashed in my mind making me realized, I was indeed in someone else's house.

In surprise, I was startled awake. I looked around; I was in a much smaller bedroom compared to mine. There was no king-sized bed, no nightstand with glasses in a segmented box on the left side, no mirror, and no walk-in closet. I ran my fingers over my head brushing my pony back. Hm? Pony?

I turned my palm; the yesterday's gigantic and strong hands were replaced with a skinny ones with veins printed noticeably under the pale skin. The sleeveless shirt I had worn turned to be a plain short-sleeved shirt. So did the skinny jeans with ripped knee, it turned to be a loose jean owned by a person who can't patch the holes. The only thing I could glad for was the eyes that could see clearly with no need for lenses’ help. The hair seemed belongs to a freak otaku, bob style and greasy—not really my liking.

I got off of the bed, only to be seated again by a sudden electrical thing stinging my head nonchalantly. What was that? Oh, right, I got my head smashed by a guitar by about-to-be my singer. Damn, despite having a small figure, he is still a grown-up man that has muscles after all. I sighed.

Where did all the luck I need the most right now?

I tried standing up once again. I did successfully stand, but this time my loose jeans slide down tracing my legs—just right in time when the door got opened and Taka entered the room.

My luck really got drained.

“Fuck!” Taka cursed as his round eyes capture my bottomless figure. His expression kinda looked like a person who just seen a male, nude ghost. “Who-who the fuck are you? What are you doing in… in my bedroom, naked—” he choked and shifted drawing more distance between us until his back totally touched the wall. “You… a pervert!”

“You’re misunderstanding!” I hurriedly wore my loose jeans and kept holding onto it as though it was my lifeline. “I can explain!”

“Explain what? About you trespassed my bedroom without wearing pants?”

“N-no! It's just…” My brain did work hard, I meant it. Its nerves tried to connect with as much as possible other nerves, arranging some logical, the most logical words. “I was lost.”

I am totally screwed.

“Lost?” He repeated. I could see how his eyebrows lifted in confuse. Did he believe me? “Bullshit! Spill the truth or else police will be on their way here!”

There we go. Another repeated the same accident, clever me.

* * *

“So… what you've said is… you, the yesterday's scary guy, and the thick-glasses lady actually… are the same person?” Taka, who was sitting across of me, glanced at me with frowns. It seemed he didn’t believe me even a word, obviously. He should be a moron if he did believe me at once. “Do you think I will believe it?”

I let a growl passes my mouth. “I _hope_ you believe me because well, it _does_ happen to me,” said I with stress in the hope.

Taka brushed his face roughly in exhaustion. “It-it’s hard… no, it’s beyond creepy.”

For a while, we permitted an awkward silence to fill the room. I couldn’t say a word, not to assure him I wasn’t telling lies, not to ask him to make songs together, not even apologizes to surprise him in such a bad way. It felt like an invisible fist-sized lump stuck in my throat avoiding me to let my voice out.

With that condition of my throat, Taka was the one who broke the silence between us.

“It’s Yamashita Toru, am I right?” asked Taka softly. He was unmistakably still taken in surprise.

I nodded.

“I… why did you call me back then?” My eyes rolled at him. He should refer to the thick-glasses me yesterday. “If I were you, I’d prefer to minimize every communication with others, as much as possible.”

Hearing that, I chuckled. “I did,” I answered decently, “but I want _you_ to notice me.”

The frowns on Taka’s frontal regio became deeper and clearer. He looked like a puppy seeing his owner doing something confusing.

“I am a producer, I am making songs and publishing it. For now, I work for an agency, yet their singers have not suited my taste. Then, I met you when I was that lady with thick-glasses. I... want you to sing my songs."

All over again, Taka was stupefied. The day just went nearly its one fourth, yet the surprises he had been given was already this much. It was understandable he formed his lips into a thin line. Seeing the man changing bodies was one thing; my offer that was indeed way too sudden was another. Not to say there was a lot to consider for having a colleague whose face and body change every day.

“I don’t know…” he finally uttered, “honestly, it feels weird and…” he sealed his mouth once again and sighed.

“I understand,” said I, getting up from my seat, “but please consider it again, I will send examples of my songs and wait for your answer.”

* * *

Days had passed as I live my daily. I had sent my songs right after I reach my home that day—dressed in Taka’s clothes. I had half-heartedly finished my works which were liked by the singer, fortunately, and I had become much more pessimist about Taka being my singer. Almost a full week passed since that day with me going to the bar every night and watching him from afar, without greeting him, without telling him, and without receive any answer yet. I ever had a thought that he might be sick or any condition similar that prevent him to send an answer. Yet, his instagram was shockingly active—I stalked him and came up to know he had so many friends and was treasured by them, seeing the comments were.

The urge to text Taka sometimes almost beat my patience, but it was not very ethical to text him because I am the one who needs him, not the vice versa. If I texted him, it would very much sound like I’m forcing him and I don’t want it. I wanted him voluntarily, by his own will. I just had to be more damn patient, I'm sure I would have no regret.

And then, I was right.

It was the ninth morning after I had woken up in Taka’s bedroom. I was a Japanese young man with wavy black hair. The height was quite tall, and the face was gorgeous. Let’s say… I was perfect. I started my day happily with this attractive and light body. That stunning moment was when I work in my songs. My phone bipped halting everything I was doing. I fished it and almost dropped it as I read the name on the screen. Taka.

My heartbeat went crazy. I didn't think my ribs could handle it any longer, thus, with trembling and wet hands, I pressed the message. Taka sent a pretty short message, two sentences.

_'Interesting. Let's meet?'_

Those two sentences undoubtedly made my day. I couldn't be happier and if I could do, I'd like to fly and screamed. Didn't wait any longer, I tapped my reply.

_‘That can do. Tonight after your performance, at my home? I’ll share the loc.’_

Not even two minutes I sent him my reply, Taka’s number popped out again. Wow… I didn’t expect he was this fast-response considering how long he takes to give me a damn-worth-it answer.

_‘Won’t you see your singer?’_

I chuckled.

_‘Unfortunately, no. My works piled up making a mountain, the person in charge from agency will certainly not allow me to.’_

_‘Who is he, your parents?’_

_‘Likely.’_

_‘I’ll come then.’_

* * *

If I was correct, Taka’s performance time was around 2 in the morning. Yet, when the clock hung on the wall not even pointed the two-shaped block, I was already this worn out. Inside my body, I could feel lactic acid being overloaded in my every skeletal muscle cell. I just finished a three-days-work within thirteen hours—nonstop; the only way I could find to meet Taka tonight without concerning about my works.

After that thirteen hours of hell, I laid down on my cushion, almost dead, staring at the roof. Across the room, the clock loudly screamed its deafening ticks. I waited for 2 am with that position—no, it wasn’t 2 am I waited for. It was Taka’s arrival.

Thoughts about the possibility of Taka canceling the appointment couldn’t help but come over and over again as time passed. He could easily seek for rasional reasons, there were so many reasons he could use which I certainly will believe.

I rolled my body facing the back of the cushion. Like a projector, a video was playing. A video in which Taka’s face was all over in the screen, looking surprised… and scared. That video kept playing like a broken disc, stabbing me with unpleasant feelings, feeling about how high the percentage of possibility he will cancel the appointment and reject my offer.

Before I realized, it was already 3 in the morning, without any sign of Taka’s coming.

I released a disappointed sigh—no, I shouldn’t have been disappointed in the first place. Rather, I should be greatly surprised if he did accept my offer.

Had no hope left, I got off from the cushion, wore my slippers, and headed toward my bedroom. I planned to text Taka the next day, a thank you for considering my offer—though he rejects it—and had a nice sleep.

However, my plan didn’t happen by the time my door was knocked. The knocks were harsh and rough, the culprit seemingly an impatient kid. I stunned. Who the hell was coming this late? I kept my position, standing with abnormally fast heartbeat. It wasn't because I'm scared.

It was because I likely knew who the person behind the door was.

With adrenaline streamed in my bloodstream, I rushed toward my door, neglecting one of my slippers that comes off of my foot, running with a slipper, and threw the door open. As the door got opened, I could catch the silhouette of the guest jumping for having the door opened so sudden before his face.

With dramatically slowered movement, the door was fully opened, revealing a young man with short-cut black hair; brushed against gravity.

“Er… I am seeking… for Yamashita Toru…” That young man squeaked. 

I couldn’t hold my grin.

Taka was there. He was there, standing nervously and shyly in front of my door like a kid asking treats in Halloween. Untypically in Halloweens I have been, now I was deadly surprised.

Smiling widely, I told him, “It’s me.”

* * *

“It feels… weird,” said Taka full of honesty. He sipped his tea I made and kept his lips lingering on the edge of the cup. “You always show me ugly faces, ugly bodies, thus I thought you _are_ originally unattractive that even changing body is useless.”

I cleared my throat. “Erm… no,” said I, “I ever tried like every type, both ugly and good-looking.”

Behind the cup, Taka stared at me. “In every age?”

“Yep.”

“Dead ones?”

Hearing that, I choked. I needed to cough several times before I could finally find my voice back. “No.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate.”

I forced my lips to form a smile. He seemed pissed off, that's why he showered me with rude and mocking words. I didn’t understand him. Was he like that for some reason I make? It was me who should be upset for waiting for him almost all night long dammit!

“Honestly, you are scary,” he commented, which I received that kind of words from him already quite much, in different phrases.

Nonetheless, he was right. “Yeah, I do think so… changing bodies is indeed weird and—”

“No, not that,” he cut me, and surprisingly, his face still looked upset, “watching me from the dark, without me knowing… you know, I know every person coming to see me because they always greet me, say hi, and ask me to drink together. On the other side, there are you whom I never know you did exist and watch me several—or even regularly… _that_ is scary. It feels like I have a stalker, an expert one.”

Stalker? Was he kidding me? Well, I admitted I do stalk his Instagram, but it doesn't make me one right?

“Hey—”

I was about to shower him with protests when he giggled and threw a playful glance. "Relax, it isn't like you are, you do resemble stalkers, but just a iny bit. Happy now, Toru-san?"

“Toru-san?” I raised my eyebrows; I expected him to call me by family name since… we were not that close yet to call each other’s surname.

Taka shrugged, playing innocent. “Well, you call me Taka, that’s equal then.”

“It’s because your stage name is Taka, you haven’t told me your real name.”

“That is my real name.”

“Really?”

Taka nodded. “Then, let’s just start again,” said he, rotating his body, anterior parts to me, and offered a hand, “I am Moriuchi Takahiro, pleased to meet you, Yamashita Toru-san.”

I chuckled; he is unexpectedly childish. “Pleasure is mine, can I call you Takahiro or Taka?” I said, joining his game.

“You have called me that,” he snorted in a mocking way.

“Well, yes,” said I, “then, want to make one?”

“A song?”

I nodded.

“I want to make sure of a thing beforehand, Toru-san,” he uttered, suddenly looked very serious, “what do you want from me?”

Whether or not it was an act of revenge, I didn’t give him a direct answer. Instead, I looked into his charcoal-colored orbs, trying to peek what his real intention was because I seriously didn’t know. I never thought about that—I didn’t even know that kind of question does exist in the first place!

“Your voice?” I ended up saying that, with uncertainty.

Maybe he found my answer was ridiculous or funny or whatsoever, he scoffed. A big, smug grin was drawn over his face humiliating me. “There are sooo many people with beautiful voice, Toru-san.”

“But not like yours,” I objected it directly, it was true though.

Taka got stupefied for a second before he found his voice again. “Besides my voice then.”

He still wanted to play this game? Well, the answer was...

_Nothing._

That was really rude, completely. A way to break someone's heart into pieces. That was why I choose to say nothing—yet. I should think about that first, carefully. What did I want from him?

For me, Taka was… unexpectedly a foul-mouthed person. He could say anything in his mind without considering how rude it might be, paradoxically with his innocent, round, dark eyes. Besides singing, mocking could his specialty, I’m sure he will master it. In addition, Taka was… someone you could get close with. I am in person didn’t really talk much and get close easily with anyone—Ryota needs two or more months to drop formal words with me. But Taka was all different. Conversations with him flow facilely like water in a waterfall, light and easy, making me know him better.

“I want you to know me much better than anyone else.”

I immediately closed my mouth. I couldn’t believe I said that for real.

Rising one of his eyebrows, Taka stared at me. “What do you mean?”

I sighed. “It’s… you know, no one can recognize me, I have forgotten the last time I was greeted by someone. With you… I want... you to do that. Greet me before you know my appearance, before I tell you it’s me. I want you to _know_ me.”

For seconds, no one spoke. The sound of male crickets attracting the females deafening my ears, along with the tick-tock sounds of the clock. It was an awkward silence, not the comfy one. I bet Taka was processing my words deep inside his head because it did happen inside my head as well. I swore I did not know where the courage I had gotten to say that, to ask _such thing._ I meant, I spent my dailies with this condition wihout complaining for a slightest. Sometimes it’s beneficial while other time is contrary. I had used to be alone with no one greets me, no one remembers me. Even Ryota, if someone invades my house and claimed to be me, I doubt he will realize that. So, why now? Moreover, to someone I’ve met days ago? To a stranger?

“Forget that.” I roughly brushed my numb face with my palm. “I get drunk.”

“You are drinking tea, Toru-san.”

Groaning, I frustratedly whispered, “I know.”

“If that what you want, I’ll forget it,” said Taka. I’m not sure whether he was serious or not.

“Are you serious?”

Taka nodded. “As the return, I’ll change my question. Why did you choose me? No, what are you aiming for with me as your singer?”

Once again, he gave me a difficult question. Actually, it could be a piece of cake if I had thought about that—which the truth is I haven’t. For all this time, what I had been thinking of was how I recruit Taka and how he will accept my offer. On top of that, was this question will affect his decision of working with me?

Gotta give a good one then.

“Erm… make a lot of songs, fill the oricon, billboard, and other charts as much and as long as possible…?”

Rather than pleased or displeased by my reply, he tilted his head, looking at me with taunted eyebrows. “You don’t want to ask me back?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Oh, that was his real intention after all the thoughts I had been thinking of, just to be questioned back.

“Alright,” I was already forced to follow his game after all, “what do you want then?” I asked. Somehow, the portrait of his cramped bedroom flashed in my mind. “Money?”

Taka shook his head instantly after I declare my thought.

Deep, deep inside my heart, I was glad. I didn’t want that kind of singer. I wanted the one that enjoys singing, without giving a slightest thought about money.

I sighed in relieve. However, not even a sigh I could release, my lungs welcomed that carbon dioxide back in surprise. Taka just shoved his face into mine, very close so I could feel his breath and his nose would touch mine if I were to breathe. In that very tiny distance, he glared into my eyes, so did I. His charcoal eyes somehow deepen and became darker. Gone were his playful Taka seconds ago and replaced by the serious and full of determination one. It wasn’t a mischievous quiz—as I thought from the beginning, it wasn’t at all. He was deadly serious with his question, with his decision to come here, and with me.

“U.S.A, bring me there with _our_ songs.”

* * *

To be Continued


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it takes much longer that I expect. Anyway, please enjoy!

"GAAAAHH!"

A loud scream came in my ears harshly. Harsh enough to make me shot my eyes open in surprise. In no time after I open my eyes, sharp light stung my head as its brightness penetrates through my pupils, blinding my vision. What a way to wake someone up.

I groaned and rolled on my side, hoping for more minutes to come home to my sweet dream--

\--but long, silky blond hair that shamelessly enter my mouth made me threw my--surprisingly light--body. I looked down at my really good body. I was now a woman, moreover, model-like woman. Well, I didn't give a fuck for this body. I didn't care.

"Tt-To-To-To-To-Toru.... san?"

I looked at my right side. Moriuchi Takahiro, Taka, was sitting on the edge of the bed, trembling like a kitten feared of huge bulldog. His face was quite something, pale, surprised, embarassed, and flustered becoming one.

Ah, right... he stayed overnight.

Last night, after we drink down the tea, I don't know who grabs the beer cans first, or where the cans come from, we ended up drunk and fell asleep. I didn't know why Taka is here, in my bedroom instead using the other bedroom either. But well, who cares?

"Yeah, it's me," said I with high pitched voice.

In my sideview, he looked relax a bit and his tensed shoulders began to lowered. He then shifted towards me, and whispered, "Did I do something last night? I can't remember it at all! Did... did we do that? Did I... impregnate you?"

I choked at my own spit. I couldn't understand him, why could he talk as if he were a kid who doesn't know how babies are made? Bluntly and innocently.

I sighed. "No, I was still a man when we got in the bed."

"Oh, that's good," he said in such a great relief. He looked at me, and immediately lowered his gaze as his cheeks became red like tomatoes.

Was this body his type?

"I will go get change."

I paced down the bed and slipped my feet in slippers.

"Get change?" He repeated. "Clothes?"

I nodded. "Ah... you can borrow anything provided in the cabinet. Just pick anything you like."

"Which cabinet? I can't found any cabinet."

"Come here."

I walked towards my walk-in-cabinet, followed by Taka. He tailed me in silence, I bet he was curious. As I open the cabinet, I could see Taka's jaw dropped. He repeatedly said 'woah' in amaze, like a kid brought to a new toy store.

"Wicked! You even have women's underwears?!"

Take my words back. He didn't like a kid at all. He was perverted.

"Of course, I even own underwears for grandmas, along with diapers."

"Amazing!"

I didn't ask what the amazing part is and just let him have a look. Meanwhile, I stroded to the compilation of women clothes. I picked a plain blue one piece that fits me well as after years changing size per day, I somehow become a pro at picking the right size in a glance. I took the shoes in my size, underwears, plain jeans, and a hairband, then walked to the corner where the mirror is placed.

The men shirt I was wearing were just being half-lifted when I heard a scream from the other side of the cabinet.

"What the fuck are you doing? Changing clothes while I'm still here!?"

I blinked at his protest. "Yes."

"Don't 'yes' me! I am a man you know!"

I frowned. "So am I."

Taka once again screamed in frustation. I myself didn't find it inappropriate to change my clothes in front of other, moreover in front of other men. That was perfectly normal.

"Don't say thay with women voice and women body and women face!" Taka shouted and stomped outside angrily. "I'm changing in your bedroom, don't come out naked!"

And he slammed the door.

* * *

I came to know that my today body is really a good-looking woman. Not Japanese, maybe westerner with green eyes and small face. And with Taka keeps screaming, I ended up picking a unisex T-shirt so he could be more relaxed. When I had done dressing, he was folding his clothes on my bed.

"So, what are we doing now?" He asked, his face was back to normal color already.

"Breakfast?" I offered him.

"You can cook? That's unexpected."

I hummed. "Only taking out canned food food from its can and heating it in microwave though, or we can order something."

Taka looked like he was thinking something in his mind. I waited for him, and he finally spoke, "Let me borrow your kitchen, I will cook for you as my thanks for letting me stay over."

"Okay."

I said that only to expect I would receive a fried egg and sausage, along with a slice of toast and warm tea. But I was completely wrong. He gave me... something else coming magically from canned tuna which is modified by him by adding with things I don't know but it tastes insanely good, with roasted tomatoes, fresh milk tea, and even salad from frozen vegetables. He never stopped making me surprised. His dishes were more delicious and salivating than my mom's--though I actually forgot how the taste of my mother's cooking since I run away from home after taking much money right when I started changing bodies.

"It's unhealthy to keep eating canned foods, Toru-san," said he wisely, like a mother, "or take aways, they are all junks. Home cookings are healthier, cheaper, and easier."

To be full honest, I couldn't agree at his saying. The last time I tried to cook my own food, the pan I'm using was on fire. I would likely burn my house if I were to cook by my own. It surely would be more expensive, much more.

"I'm sure it will be easier if you live with me."

As my lips were shut, I was stunned. I couldn't explain why I'm talking like that. As if I were proposing him.

I carefully observed his reaction. He was, too, taken in surprise. He choked by tuna he swallows. I immediately offered him a glass of water.

"Don't say anything like that when your sex is in different form anymore," said he, pouting, after drink the whole glass of water.

I scoffed hiding my awkwardness. After that, we ate in silence, letting the sounds of utensils and heater filled the room. I still felt a bit awkward as I couldn't know what he was thinking, he also didn't look at me in eyes. I would certainly run from this thick air with thousand of reasons if Taka hadn't spoken.

"By the way, Toru-san..." he started, making me sigh in relief, "how old are you?"

"Me?" I blinked in confusion. I didn't expect that coming. "Seeing the face, maybe around twenties."

"Huh?"

"This body age, right?"

"No, not that... I meant your own age, the real one."

The chopsticks that were about to come to my mouth stopped their halfway. Come to think of it, I hadn't thought about my real age for awhile, I even forgot the last time I clearly remember my own age. This body that changes everyday made me only think the body age, in purpose to know whether or not I can go to a bar, buy cigarettes, or any other age-dependent activities.

So, "I... forgot, I don't know."

Taka showed me a surprised face. He scratched his nape in guilty face, as if he just brought a topic about deceased person, a sensitive topic.

"Somehow, I'm sorry."

"No, don't," I continued eating my dishes, "that's casual topic, and it is me who decides to forget it after all, it doesn't matter, really."

"Then... can I ask you about your original body?"

"I also forgot about that, and I don't have any portrait," said I casually as if we were just talking about weather prediction.

Taka looked confused. "Why? I have a bunch of my own pictures. You can't be have nothing, at least one."

I shrugged my shoulders. "There is so much thing to think in each day, I don't have time to remember the physical appearance of mine. For the photos, I left them in my parents house in Osaka."

"I can't understand, that is you, moreover your original one, you can't let it be forgotten."

"This is me," I said as my hand moves downward, "and tomorrow, after this body no longer exists, that is also me."

Taka stared at me with frowns. He clearly couldn't accept what I had said, but he decided to hold it and say nothing.

* * *

That day, after breakfast, we made a song. Usually, it takes approximately twelve hours for making one, at very least, but with Taka, we made it in no more than seven hours. I didn't know it was because we really are compatible to each other or any other reason, yet that song is still good despite being made in really brief time.

After Taka went home, Ryota came. He intentionally came to listen to this new song, and now was screaming in joy after the song has ended. As if I never produced a good one, fuck him.

"Why don't you make good songs like this for our singers?! Dude, this is gold, finally, after awhile you didn't put your heart on our songs."

I laughed dryly, half-heartedly.

"It has Taka's factor, we made it together from the very first scratch." I honestly spilled the reason. We did make it together, from the melodies and the lyrics. Taka once again surprised me that time. He was incredibly good in english that makes the half of that song is in english. "Make the director listen to it and pursue him to let Taka recornding in the studio. The profit will be significant, I'm certain."

"I can't promise you anything, he is not even our singer."

"Make him one then."

Ryota groaned. "Do you think it's easy? I tell you it is not. To pursue him employing you is really hard back then, you know."

"Try it. Please."

"I will ask," said he eventually. He put the USB I had handed to him safely, containing some part of the song with Taka's voice that is recorded by my phone, I would give the full melodies after the director agrees to employ Taka, at least to let him recording in the studio. "Do you have time tomorrow's night?"

I shook my head, "I will meet Taka."

"Again? Isn't he working in the night?"

"After his performance ends, we will meet in the bar he works."

"A date, huh?" Ryota wore a smug face that makes me want to punch him so badly.

"Of course not."

* * *

The awaiting night had came. I waited for Taka just next to the stage, hidden by shadows coming from the customers. Today, I was again a westerner, but a man. Very tall, bright brunette hair, and blue eyes. The appearance was not bad. Yet, the impact was bad. This body was too attractive, there were three women already that try to seduce me. Gosh, I only wanted to focus listening to my singer's voice!

I only enjoyed a half of Taka's performance thanks to this body. Before I realized, he already said the closing and padded down from the stage, passing right in front of me, no greetings however, like I were a stranger.

It wasn't his fault for not realizing that I'm here, just inches away from him. I could understand that. That's why, I initiated and snatched his hand. He was expectedly startled and looked confused. Again, I couldn't blame him. "It's me, Toru."

He blinked in confusion for awhile then started laughing dryly. "O-oh... Toru-san... that's good, I was thinking about language I should use."

"Should we go now?"

"Let me drop my guitar first," Taka said and flew away. I tailed him, he went towards the counter, where the owner of the bar was there, giving his best service to his customers, "Tomoya, keep my guitar safe, I'll be back before the dawn."

"Where are you going, Taka-chan?" Tomoya, the boss, asked. I frowned hearing that nickname, wasn't Taka a bit too manly for being called 'chan'?

"Drink."

"A date?"

"Hell no!" Taka pointed the me that right behind him with his thumb. "I'm going with him."

Tomoya's eyes trailed Taka's first digit and finally met my eyes. He was surprised for having a foreigner to be Taka's drink-buddy. "Eh? Is he you acquaintance? Which language should I use?"

Before Taka replied, I spoke out first. "I'm Japanese, don't worry."

"A-ah... I'm Tomoya, Taka-chan's friend," he offered a hand and I accepted it, "first time coming here?"

"Yes," I replied full of lies with a thin smile. We exchanged words afterwards and then parted. I and Taka asked for a private room in the corner of the bar and cocktail for me, and light alcohol for Taka as he can't very much hold his liquor.

"Mind if I'm smoking?" I asked, we were already sitting face-to-face in that private room.

Taka shook his head, "No, but I'm curious. What will happen to your body, organs, when you smoke? Do you organs also change in each body?"

I lit my cigarette and nodded. "I will get the illness the body has, osteoporosis, penumonia, and such. I even ever get menstruation."

"What!?"

Taka seemed too taken aback and it was amusing. He was too expressive that I wanted to tease him a bit. "Yeah, sounds crazy right? Things changed in my body are not only the physical body. DNA, genetics, everything besides the body's own mind, are all changed. Not only menstruation, I have ever had a body of pregnant woman."

The moment I mentioned pregnancy, Taka spurt his drink and coughed loudly. With liquor streams down from his mouth, he agaped at me, clearly couldn't say anything.

"Have you ever given birth?"

I chuckled. "Fortunately no. I immediately passed out after knowing I was pregnant and the body got changed again. Since then, I never get pregnant woman's body again."

This time, Taka laughed out loud. He should find my body is interesting to look up. He was like a kid trying to solve a brand new puzzle. "Then, then," said he excitedly, "if you do 'it' with a woman, and that woman ends up pregnant, does the baby's DNA won't be matched with anyone else except the mother?"

"I never think about that... but it seems so. I never met a person with the same body I have used."

"Hm... what a pity."

"Nothing to be pitied," I shrugged my shoulders, his eyes were on me waiting the continuation, "Never crossed in my mind to have sex with anyone, moreover getting married to someone. I will just live like this forever."

Gone were the playfulness beam from Taka's eyes. He became serious so sudden, and a bit gloomy. "Aren't you lonely, Toru-san?"

I sighed and puffed the smoke. Why this conversation turned out to be this heavy?

"I am. But I cannot do anything with this anyway. I only need to get used and everything will be okay."

"Do you really don't want to get married?" He asked again. "Maybe someone that will accept your condition really does exist out there, you just need a bit more effort to find that person."

I stopped smoking and flicked it off onto the ashtray. "Then, how about you? Do you want to marry a weird person like me?"

It took seconds for Taka to finally give a respond, shrugging shoulders, and we were wordlessly in line to drop that topic, Taka was the one who changes the topic.

"Why did you ask me to drink so sudden, Toru-san?"

My eyes lingered on his face, then moved to my cocktail. "Do I need a reason?"

Taka scoffed and smiled ear-to-ear. "I will make the reason then."

"Huh?"

"Let's make songs in our every meeting."

* * *

Two weeks had passed since that day. Just like his saying, we kept meeting up almost every day, arranging songs, drinking, and babbling something unnecessary, while waiting for agency's decision about Taka. That numerous meetings enclosed our distance thus we became close friends.

Yet, with happy things, ill-favoured things also happened. In each our numerous meetings, almost every night, Taka had to be the one who's startled by me who is a complete stranger in his eyes. Almost every night, his heart should jump into his throat after getting his arms snatched by a stranger. I asked him if he ever felt uncomfortable, but he said he is okay. So I just let it be.

I had so much fun with him. Arranging songs and our little talks were the only thing I happily wait for in each day. Fortunately, until now, my luck had been in my side by giving me healthy bodies that can legally enter the bar.

Once again, I talked too soon.

Today, in the day where the night sky was clear as black jewel, alluring people out and roaming the streets with joy, I was trapped in my own house by being a little girl.

I looked in the mirror, my reflection was there, portraying a very young girl that doesn't even reach 12 with long, black hair that flows reaching my waist and honey-colored eyes. Very pretty, like a doll.

I smashed my little fist onto the mirror, If I hadn't overslept two hours before our meeting time, this thing wouldn't happen! Now, I couldn't even dare to try sleep once again, too risky with fourty minutes left from two in the morning. I groaned in displeased and stroded to my bedroom, fishing my phone.

With these small fingers, I tapped Taka's number and dialed him. I waited, and a _track_ sound came. He answered!

"Ta--"

_"The number you're calling is not answering, please try in few minutes or leave a message by press--."_

I hung up and threw my phone on the bed. In this kind of condition, he couldn't be reached. My lucks were certainly all gone now.

I threw my petite body on my bed and looked outside from a window. I wanted to go to that bar so badly, yet I didn't dare to. In all-important thing, I won't be allowed to enter the bar. I needed to stay outside in the midst of chilly wind pretending to wait 'my father' coming home. In worst case, police would find me and take me with them. I would be asked questions about identities which I won't be able to prove the answers. In other worst case, I would be kidnapped by some perverted old man, or getting sold in black market as a slave, or as parts of body in organ trade.

Damn it, those theories were terrifying. I should never step outside my house even a foot in night time.

I reached my phone again and dialed different number, the only person I could ask for. Thankfully, this time the person accross the phone was answering.

"Ryota!"

* * *

"The end. That's why I can't come," said I with cute voice facing him whose face looked very much irritated.

I called Ryota for picking him up from the bar and asked him to bring Taka to my house. Now was the tenth minutes after his arriving, four in the morning. What I had done for the past ten minutes were only offering him this and that, telling the story behind my absence in the bar, and stuff, which all was to please the pissed him. In addition, instead throwing tantrum like his image in my mind, he was somehow more untalkative.

"You... are mad?" I carefully asked.

Taka let a heavy sigh out. "I want to," said he while sipping his beer, "but we can't do anything with... that."

After that, no one of us opened our mouth to talk. Taka who usually started the conversation with his weird questions shut his mouth tight, only to be opened to sip his second bottle of beer. Was something happened with him in the bar?

"Ta--"

"Toru-san, come here," said he patting his laps. The smile he was wearing not the smile I've seen until yesterday, it was a different one, a thin one...

I followed his request and silently padded onto his laps. Taka opened his third round and played with my hair. "I always want a little sister so I could cuddle and do her hair."

"Do you have siblings?"

"I do, two little brothers, both of them now are grown-ups," he answered. Another hiss was heard as he opened the new can.

"Aren't you interested with marriage and have your own children?" I asked, then snapped when I didn't even know his age. Until now, I always assumed his age was not too far from being not underage. "How old are you?"

"I don't know about marriage, and I'm 28."

Woah, that was unexpected. Taka always brought talks about marriage and stuff so I thin he was 22 year old man who wants to get married fast. And 28 seemed too old for his looks.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Taka's hand was reached out to grab another beer. "I don't, currently."

That was also unexpected. He was fun and his face was not bad, otherwise, he was interesting with beautiful voice. I thought it was easy for him to make women head over heels for him.

I hummed and grabbed a bottle. I just made a hiss sound when Taka snatched the bottle away from me.

"I don't want to see a girl drinking alcohol, Toru-san--ah, no, Toru-chan."

I threw a pissed glance at him, but then I realized how red Taka's face was. With a bottle he was holding and another bottle he got from me, it was already the fifth or suxth I guess. Wasn't Taka not a heavy drinker?

"Taka? You okay?"

"Hm? Of course... ng, let's see, Toruko-chan, Toru... ma? Torune... Toune... Toruka... Touka..." Taka kept blabbering for girly names as he gulping the liquor.

"Taka, you have drunk enough, let's stop." I snatched two bottles from his hands and put them on the table.

He whined and asked the beers back. "Oh, c'mon, you sound like a girl banning her stressed father for relieving his stress!"

"Are you stressed out?"

Taka didn't answer. Instead, he played with my hair.

"Are you really not interested in your original body, Toru?" He murmured unclearly. I turned around and found Taka's eyes were half-closed.

"Yes."

"Why?"

I considered one-two things before answering, and I choose to answer, Taka was drunk anyway, he would forgot eventually. I turned around again, facing my own little feet.

"Because I find it unnecessary."

"Why?"

"Tomorrow, I will be in another body. If I know my original body, I will just keep comparing the newer bodies to my original one. I don't want to feel burdened like that and it wastes time, besides, nothing will be changed if I know my original body."

I felt hands playing on my hair were gone. I didn't dare to turn around since I don't want to know his reaction, so I just waited. I almost concluded he was already sleeping if he didn't speak.

"Even so... even though you don't want to know, I want to... you said to me to forgot your wish in our first encouter, I'm sorry but I couldn't do that..."

Taka's way in speaking stabbed my chest hard. The tone he uses were so miserable. I couldn't miss how his voice trembled. Something must be happened to him.

"Toru-san... I want to be able to imagine you as a person, not many people with the same character, because you're my friend. I want to tell someone else about you whom I arrange songs with, drink together, and do fun things. I want to tell other people that I have a friend named Yamashita Toru."

His hands played with my hair againas he kept talking.

"Earlier in the bar, Tomoya asked me whom I will catch up with. Guess what my answer is... no, I didn't answer that simple question. I don't know the answer is. He also asked me why I always go with different people each day and accused me for doing something inappropriate."

Taka burst into laughter while there was nothing to laugh at.

"Though your kanji is quite simple, easy to read, but I can't say your name out loud. It was as if you were not existed in this world in the first place. I feel like I'm going to be crazy."

Taka paused, and I shut my mouth tight. I couldn't speak anything, my brain had stopped to come up with some words. I never thought Taka would feel like that, that he wants to know me, that he thinks about me, that he sees me not as a mere composer he works with, but a friend. And something weird inside my chest raged in warmth.

I was happy with Taka's confession. Yet, at the very same time, guilty stabbed me. Ever since I'm attracted to his voice, I thought everything doesn't matter as long as Taka accepts me, being not afraid by me. But I was completely wrong. I should have known from the very beginning when I snatch his arms and he stoned in surprise. I should have realized from that time that he is clearly uncomfortable with this kind of body.

I never considered his feelings. I only thought about his acts towards me.

I turned around in hurry, I wanted to see him, I wanted to soothe him that I will try seeking for my original body, take care of it, and everything.

Yet, the view I was given made words that are already arranged neatly in my brain evaporate leaving me with nothing. Taka's eyes were teary. His lips were trembling. He looked... so pained. So damn pained that it suffocates me.

"You know..." he said in heavy voice, "I think I've reached the limit. Let's stop meeting each other."

Taka's eyes closed in slow motion, a drop of tears streamed down tracing his flushed cheek. His body on me became heavier as he leans forward, evetuslly falling asleep, leaving the silent me into a sweet dream with soft snores.

* * *

TBC


End file.
